HERB BENHAM: Enjoy these Hawaiian ‘troubles’ | Herb Benham


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One of the things I like about Hawaii – in this case Kona, the island with the great volcanoes (Mauna Kea at 4,000 m and Mauna Loa almost as high) – is the aloha spirit, which is “affection, peace, compassion and Mercy ”means. “And is often used as a simple greeting.

Aloha from Hawaii, a form of discarding names when traveling. Tell people that you are in or are going to Hawaii to end conversations and to recognize you as someone to watch out for.

Talk to my brother Derek about Aloha. He’s in the group that my sister Pam is part of; her son Colin; my mum; and her two friends Tony and Sheryll Taylor.

When Derek picked up his car at Hertz car rental, he was ready for the island’s loving embrace. An expensive hug, and for $ 350 a day it was surprising that he didn’t get a Ferrari and the Nissan Terrano.

“When they brought the car up, it was wet and there was bird droppings on the hood,” he said.

“I asked the parking attendant if she could wipe the driver’s side window so I could see when I was driving out of the parking lot.

“She paused, tossed me a red rag and turned and left.”

I asked – as she tossed the rag at him – if she let it ricochet off his chest. He said she didn’t. I suggested that he get over it because he was in Hawaii and those were Hawaiian problems.

Activity – walking, running, hiking, biking, bird watching, snorkeling, swimming, surfing – is a good reason to come to Hawaii along with a good amount of rest.

“I did four different workouts on the first day,” said Derek.

“How about day 2?” I asked.

“I gave up,” he said. “You might as well surrender to Hawaiian fever. In four days you will be brain dead and have no detectable pulse.”

Good advice. You don’t have to go to the mountain, let the mountain come to you.

An approach that can also work for whale watching. Whale watching is like looking for mushrooms. You don’t look for mushrooms, you let mushrooms look for you.

Pam and Colin saw whales on their first afternoon. That put me on the defensive because I hadn’t seen a whale before.

I didn’t believe them because when someone tells you they saw a whale it’s like telling you they have a bad back. Nobody believes in a bad back until they get one themselves.

That evening, after Pam and Colin saw their so-called whales, I took a walk along the rocky shoreline near the Mauna Lani Hotel and saw several whales break through their blowholes and expel water. They did everything but wink and backflips. I looked around for a witness, preferably someone from our group, but I was alone. It was a miracle, but it would remain my miracle no matter how passionate I was about my whale watching case.

Mama likes to watch birds and keeps poking the binoculars in my chest.

“Don’t you want to look for birds?” She asked.

No, I don’t, mom. Can I support bird watching, encourage bird watchers, and consent to cats killing the bird population without digging binoculars in my eye sockets and getting rings under my eyes like raccoons?

Okay give it to me. Is that a cardinal with a yellow beak? It’s red but I don’t see a yellow glow so maybe it’s a different cardinal or just a red bird.

Derek brought his binoculars and made an attempt at birdwatching, but clearly had no natural abilities.

We sat side by side in chaise longues and he saw a gray bird hopping next to his chair.

“Mom, there’s a Hawaiian quail,” he said, obviously trying to be the most popular bird watcher.

“That’s not a quail, you idiot,” I said. “That’s a pigeon. Can’t you tell a quail from a pigeon?”

One day we rented 10 foot paddleboards so we could paddle along the coast, talk, and grow closer as brothers.

“Don’t fall down if you happen to see a tiger shark,” said Derek.

I wasn’t planning to fall off when I see a tiger shark. I’d rather be on the water than in the water should a shark show up.

“How tall are you?” I asked.

“Monster,” he said. “You can be 18 feet tall.”

Eighteen feet? When I see a 6 foot shark, I fall down even if I don’t want to because 6 foot teeth and shark muscles are enough to topple the pillars in Stonehenge.

“Are there any incidents?” I asked.

A shark attack is either rare or we are overdue.

In Hawaii, as warm and tropical as it is, it makes sense to sleep with the large sliding doors open. However, it is also advisable to close the screens to prevent a small tropical animal sneaking in. We saw a mongoose the other day. What would a mongoose do in the middle of the night if it jumped up in your bed? Probably attract a cobra and then it’s over.

Wednesday we drove to Waimee and then to the Waipi’o Valley Lookout and hiked down to the beach. Straight down, straight up, but mind-boggling, shaking your head and awe-inspiringly beautiful.

Hawaii’s contribution to the world. We are grateful and we probably didn’t deserve it.

Herb Benham is a columnist for The Bakersfield Californian and can be reached at [email protected] or 661-395-7279.

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