Vanessa Lachey on ignoring “waving her finger” mother shame: “When I look at my relationships with my husband and children, I think: we are good”


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Vanessa Lachey talks about raising children and teaching money. (Photo: Getty; designed by Quinn Lemmers)

Welcome to So mini-ways, Yahoo Lifes education Series on the joys and challenges of raising children.

Actress, presenter andVanessa Lachey balances motherhood and work from the Hawaiian island of Oahu (“not too shabby!” She jokes to Yahoo Life) so you can’t feel it even bad for getting up early to talk. While she is filming NCIS: Hawaii, her family – husband Nick Lachey, sons Camden and Phoenix and daughter Brooklyn – moved from California to the idyllic location.

After giving her tips for At a local brunch in Oahu, the theme revolved around parenting and money. Lachey recently teamed up with Wells Fargo to educate younger people about financial responsibility Clear Access Banking, a free account for teenagers between the ages of 13 and 24 where customers can only spend what they have. Ahead tells former Miss Teen USA how she teaches her own children a financial education – and takes time for herself with Nick.

How do you describe your approach to parenting?

we [my husband and I] always communicate to be on the same page. Since there are different stages of parenting Рthe baby stage, the toddler stage, pre-teen, teen Рwe try to remind each other that we need to be on the same page. No matter what [kind of decision it is], Nick and I have to be on the same page and always talk. We are constantly evolving [as parents]; There are so many ways to be a parent, but we always try to remember them [the kids] of the love. It sounds simple and clich̩d, but they know we are the safety net.

You work with Wells Fargo to educate children about financial responsibility. How do you talk about it with your own children??

I’m the safety net when it comes to emotional support, but that’s what money management teaches them. The safety net at Wells Fargo Clear Access Banking is that there are no monthly fees and no overdrafts are allowed.

I spoke to my 9 year old [about overdrafts] and he said he was saddened by the “money bug” charges. It’s true! He finds out, he learns the value of a dollar – and he has the remorse of a buyer. In fact, most children do. There was a poll that said three out of four teenagers had repentance from the buyer. The interesting thing about this survey [revealed] than what they spent money on. That tells me that she no matter – and the whole idea of ​​responsibility? You are like However!

We try to find out tasks and a weekly allowance. I didn’t know what to do with my son’s maternity allowance, but we made him an ATM. I tell him whatever he wants to buy comes from that money and you experience the value of a dollar. It makes him think twice about what to buy.

Is there anything about parenting that has surprised you over the years?

I remember when the children were born shocked that they would eat around the clock every two to three hours [laughs]for three months at a time! That’s why they call it the “fourth trimester” – that really hit me.

And are there big differences between sons and daughters?

My daughter can handle a lot emotionally (and that’s just her ^). The guys usually just focus on what’s ahead of them. She is intuitive and the guys are [oblivious]; it’s cool to have both!

How was the past year for you guys?

The quarantine period has given me and Nick so many perspectives, so much understanding of what it really is like to have the kids around the clock in good and bad ways. Now we appreciate the nights spent together at home as a family – and we appreciate putting them off at school during the day.

Now we are maximizing our time together. The hours are so precious – with and without our children – to our relationship and our marriage. I really enjoy my time with him and never want to take it for granted.

How do you take time for yourself?

That is the constant question [laughs]. I didn’t have kids until I was 30 and Nick was 37; we traveled around the world together. Having children later was a blessing we didn’t know we were getting. It’s hard to find time she And when you find the time, your brain thinks about it all the time she. I try to find time in the morning before they get up.

That’s what I talk about in my book about the “me-time” that I take in the morning. I panicked and started writing down things that I was grateful for and it gave me a new mindset. Finding time is a chore, but for me, it’s self-care. It’s hard to find time as a couple: we need a reservation, a sitter, we need to let the kids know we’re leaving … [laughs]. The “me-time” – you just have to work it out.

Do you have any advice when it comes to dealing with mom shamers?

Now that I have three older children, I completely ignore that. At first I took it personally. You wave your fingers. But when I look at my relationships with my husband and kids I think: It’s all right. It’s so easy to say, but you can’t help it [negative comments] come to you. At the end of the day, when you love your kids and are there for your kids, you’re doing it right.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

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